Did try this again with a medium smokey mezcal and a Campari/Aperal split. Found it to be well balanced. Still slightly syrupy. Can't say it's an improvement over the original, but it certainly works. Now I'm thinking Campari/ oraange curaƧao 50/50? Or maybe a carbonator for some acidity?
Thanks for the follow up! Carbonation is an interesting idea. I occasionally will carbonate a cocktail with my soda stream (very carefully I might add!) but I have also carbonated cocktail spheres (reverse spherification); maybe I will try doing so with this cocktail.