Madame Brussels

Address: Level 3, 59-63 Bourke Street, Melbourne, Victoria, 3000, Australia
Tel: +61 3 9662 2775
Website: view Madame Brussels’ website
Style: Neighbourhood bar
Food: Tapas/plates & dishes


Oo-err missus! The celebrated Melbourne madame, Caroline Hodgson, AKA Madame Brussels, invites you into Her Parlour, “up the rear of Madame Brussels” with promises of “up-skirting and down-fronting”.

Ascent is via elevator, no more than seven at a time – “poor dear, she’s getting a bit old, and can’t take as many as she used to” – from a suitably discreet doorway.
Once you have achieved entry? Madame Brussels’ “team of ‘pros’ are at your disposal”, and waitresses in tennis whites knock out ample, erm, jugs of fruity pink things to orally savour or even (whisper it!) swallow. And, whether one opts to linger on Madame’s grassy lawn or to penetrate deep into her gazebo, all comforts are provided.

The jugs, not to mention their contents, do not disappoint the casual punter, with punches that pack more than expected. As a location for a ladylike tea, a little something after work, or a post-lunch, erm, stiffener, Madame Brussels, like her pros, is extremely flexible.